Feel the fear and do it anyway©

A jaunt on some welsh mountains with acedotal references to Susan Jeffers the author of this brilliant book

I was hiking in Wales on the weekend, and Susan Jeffers' book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, swam across my mind as I sat perched on a ledge 1,001m above the ground.

Why am I sitting on a bloody ledge waiting to climb the summit when I have a magnificent view from where I am presently sitting?

Madness.

There were six of us who decided reaching the top of the mountain wasn't enough; we had to climb a little bit more to get to the real summit, a mix of spiky rock formations, almost alien-like in stature, but quite beautiful.

It was the strangest thing; I watched the mountain leader guide the woman ahead of me and then had one of those rare moments people talk about.

I froze.

Outwardly, I looked calm and normal, inwardly, I wasn't thinking, just calculating how long it would take if I should slip and fall to my death.

Would I have the presence of mind to whip my top layer off and try to make it into a parachute - too much Mission Impossible?

My final thought was - what goes up must come back down.

I shuddered as I looked down at what looked like a great crevasse and wondered if you could slip to the bottom of the mountain or, worse still, get stuck if you happen to be meaty around your middle.

As I sat there deliberating about going back down or continuing upward I tried to figure out when this fear of heights kicked in and why right now I was considering going up when the rational side of me was saying seriously what do you have to prove, bloody well go back down you arse.

"The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it". - Susan Jeffers.

I'm sure the author wasn't necessarily referring to mountains, but the metaphor was not lost on me there and then.

As I lay in bed that night, aching all over (little did I know it was the prelude to falling ill with the flu), I couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment.

I had faced my fear and climbed that mountain, a testament to the power of 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.

I read the book 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway' over thirty years ago and have brought and given it to the women I care most about.

The book, written by Susan Jeffers, is a guide to overcoming fear and self-doubt, filled with anecdotal case studies and real-life situations.

I'm not sure they've read it or have bought into the psychology behind it.

And if they haven't read it, shame on them because it is a good read full of anecdotal case studies and real-life situations.

From divorce, breakups, loss of a job, sitting an exam, whatever situation or challenge we find ourselves up against, it's never as bad as we envisage it to be.

She writes about how to turn "Fear, indecision and anger into power, action and love".

And goes on to write that "underlying all our fears is a lack of trust in ourselves" and of course what holds us back is what stops us from acheiving the things we want to do like climbing Everest, from writing a book we've thought about, from learning a language and from getting onto a plane to nowhere.

And that is why I guess I felt compelled to push myself that little bit more and sit on that damn rocky outcrop high in the sky.

I think as women move through to middle age and then into menopause we lose self-confidence, we've gotten so used to looking after others in our caring, nurturing role as wife, mother, parent and daughter that we lose our sense of identity and with it that self belief we arrogantly procured in our late teens and twenties.

At nineteen, I boarded a plane to the USA to work and coach gymnastics without a second thought, carrying one bag - as if I could travel with one bag now!

Now I shudder at the prospect of organising a holiday to Spain or going away for a weekend, let alone going on MY OWN.

So, what makes us/me, less adventurous, daring and possibly fearful as we age gracefully?

We know more from life experiences, mistakes and failures that it's not that hard to work out that if you fall 3000 feet, you are unlikely to live to tell the tale.

We are so busy looking after others that we forget to live and put ourselves first.

I used to be audacious, and now I am not so sure - more reserved, maybe.

Is it common sense and being wiser with age, or, as Jeffers writes, have I lost self-belief and trust?

I suspect it is a bit of both.

I became aware that I was losing that sense of adventure as I hit my early forties, the steam expired, running a business and raising two wonderful kids didn't help.

But I was often the instigator behind the pranks we used to pull at College and get away with it. Smart and clever - aren't most women?

And then the flame diminishes, and with it comes domesticity and sensibility.

In my head I'm still that crazy twenty-five year old bitchfest doing mad things in reality I'm the glue that holds it all together.

Even now, when faced with a decision or a challenge, I stop and think, Is this wise?

Do we need to think about this and understand more before making the next move?

Is it a middle-aged, don't take any risks scenario, because it might hurt, or have we inadvertently got stuck in a rut and frozen for twenty-five years or more?

The truth is, Jeffers is right that the fear will never go away.

We can learn to manage or try to beat it, but we all feel fear at some point in our lives. It's a universal experience, depending on how we interpret fear.

We're not alone in this.

For me, the fear of heights is a metaphor for the fears we all face in life. As Jeffers explains, confidence only comes from doing things we are afraid of, which I did, pushing myself out of the comfort zone of safety.

Would I do it again?

I'm not sure I'd want to do it regularly.

The fear we experience is due to ageing, fluctuating hormonal levels, and societal pressure to look good and attractive.

In the middle of all this is the transition through menopause, while grappling with an empty nest, which is why these disruptions impact our identity and self-esteem.

And no wonder we flounder, questioning our purpose and why we feel more fearful.

The moral of this tale is that fear is a natural part of life, especially during times of transition and change.

But as Susan Jeffers' book teaches us, we can learn to manage and even overcome our fears, reclaiming our self-confidence and sense of adventure.

By applying ourselves to the task, we can pretty much overcome most obstacles that come our way.

Jeffers shares five truths in her book, one of which is: #Truth3: "The only way to feel better about myself is to go out... and do it".

I think she's right, don't you?