In search of perfectionism

The perfection ideal - thoughts on that elusive idea of perfectionism

Is it possible that the goals or hurdles we set are too high, and therefore, we fall short of our expectations?

Are our expectations inextricably linked to wanting to be perfect? Are the hurdles set so high that no matter how hard we try at whatever we do, it never feels good enough?

Does this require a shift in the mindset?

Indeed, we have what we want here and now. Doesn't that make us feel any better?

Is it the fear of failure or comparison syndrome? Is it liberating to be not perfect?

Does not feeling like we are good enough create feelings of anxiety and stress?

Should we let go of what is holding us back and make the most of the present moment?

Striving for perfection helps us get things done, but it can also slow us down because failure means we might never try.

Striving, doing, achieving.

It's an endless quest to try and get it right.

I've been thinking a lot about this recently, purely because my son is working hard on his final-year dissertation. He's doing his best to nail it, so it is perfect.

But in my quest to encourage and support him, to adopt a more relaxed approach, and not suggest that he refrain from seeking the best he can do and write the damn thing, am I dissuading him from attaining what he wants, his version of perfection?

In seeking perfection, we continually disappoint ourselves as we try to hit the mark.

Yet, ask any great sportsman or woman, and they will say they train with perfection in mind.

Is the relentless pursuit of perfection a worthy goal, or is it an unattainable ideal that only leads to disappointment?

I've become less preoccupied with pursuing perfection as I've grown older. I've learned to value competence over perfection, and this shift has brought me a sense of ease and liberation.

But...

As we head into Christmas, I want perfection. I want the tree, the day, the presents, and the meal to be wonderful and perfect, but over the years it falls short for me.

That’s me again with setting too high a bar. After all, I’m not competing with anyone.

But that's me with high expectations again, wanting it to be perfect for everyone around the table, but it might not be everybody else's.

Still, it got me thinking about this perfectionism ideal.

I've always strived to do my best, and I am sure most people feel that way about themselves.

I was often asked what I considered my weakness when I was interviewed for jobs and would respond by saying perfectionism. Ha ha, the arrogance of youth.

I want to finish things perfectly, challenge myself, and do my best.

Employers might have considered that a weakness or a flaw back in the day; others may see it as a strength.

What I was expressing at the time was my intention to work hard and be committed to my job.

When you are young, perfectionism feels like it is possible.

Only with age do I appreciate that perfectionism is an ideal and should not be confused with striving for the best we can do.

On my bookshelf are countless self-help, how-to-live-successfully type books, guides to seeking the perfect life, the ideal work-life balance, and how to improve your self-esteem books; they're all ideals and virtues of perfectionism.

But is seeking perfection intrinsically linked to consumerism, the idea that the more we achieve, the better we live, and the more perfect and valued our lives are?

And yet, we need to stand back and appreciate what we already have.

Perfectionism is linked to expectations of ourselves and others.

This doesn't mean we can't strive to be a better version of ourselves, but it also means that our expectations of others might be unrealistically high.

Self-acceptance is key. If we're fixated on perfection, we might miss the opportunity to fully experience the present moment and fully engage with the task.

Perfection is linked to a fear of failure and insecurity, which sums me up.

If we can't be perfect, what's the point of trying? And so it stops us from striving to attain our goals or to try something new.

Finding that balance is essential when wanting to achieve goals while avoiding being thwarted by perfectionism.

It's about being in control of our goals and not letting them control us.

"Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it" Salvador Dali