Owner of a broken heart
"I will never regret you or say I wish I'd never met you. Because once upon a time you were exactly what I needed." - Bob Marley
Do you remember when the love of your life broke your heart?
I do. I remember it as if it was yesterday.
The first cut is the deepest, proving that songwriters who write songs about heartbreak can only write from the heart if they, too, have had a broken heart.
I write this as I watch a friend experience the pain of heartbreak, and it brings home those painful memories.
I was at University, and my then-boyfriend and a group of mates had finished a mammoth relay charity run.
As I greeted him with tea and a warm blanket, I became aware of the presence of this blond, who casually walked up to him after I had hugged and kissed him to stake her claim on him.
Shocked, I demanded he meet me and explain what was happening to the confused person standing before him.
Later, he told me it was over, no hard feelings; he still loved me.
But, he’d met a fresher two weeks before and decided it was time to move on without telling me, while our friends knew and hadn't told me.
I felt a sickening wrench in the stomach and pain like I'd never felt before.
We are not taught how to handle this type of grief, for that is what it is: an immeasurable loss.
You can’t go on, face life, or lift your head from the pillow.
I experienced physical pain; I couldn't eat or sleep, and I lost weight.
It took all my strength to turn up for lectures. The days were unbearably long and dark, and I wondered if I'd ever trust or love anyone again.
He left me sobbing, my heart broken, before I finally picked myself up from the living room floor and pulled myself together before walking back to my digs, hoping to avoid anyone so they couldn't see my crying red eyes.
Slowly, I saw the light and tried to go out with friends even if I didn't feel like laughing or dancing.
But I survived and got through it.
Many of us have felt that inextricable loss of pain, feeling unsalvageable as human beings unable to find solace from the brokenness of our hearts.
The fact that I can share the details so openly and vividly demonstrates the relationship's impact on me.
I should have known back then his track record spoke for itself. I was the third in an extended cast of ditched characters. Some weeks later, I had the final laugh when the blonde dumped him for another bloke.
As he walked around with his head hung low, ego severely bruised, I got my revenge when I said now you know how it feels.
As we were doing the same degree, it wasn't easy to get on with life and move forward as he was always there, but in time, I got over and through it all.
And while my heart was like a smashed vase, it can be put back together, but the cracks will always remain.
I grew from the experience and the knowledge that a little bit of me could never trust anyone 100%, so I don't disappoint easily, as humans are fickle creatures by their very nature.
I can't be let down or disappointed if I have no expectations.
Cynical, but with age, you learn to be more careful in the relationships you choose.
Both parties need to be invested, and if one gives more than the other, then there's an imbalance, with one getting more than the other from the relationship.
At times, relationships are like a set of scales. Sometimes, they dip to one side, depending on who needs more support and help.
We must experience loss and pain to appreciate when the right person comes into our life, "the one" so often referred to.
I don't believe in monogamy in so far as I don't believe in marriage at first sight.
Experiencing relationships with different people, from friendship to sexual, is vital to ensuring that the one you finally want to be with is the one.
Divorces and separations are messy; I speak from experience, so getting it right is vital.
Why do you want to go five rounds over the coffee table your best friend brought you and you never liked anyway?
A broken heart does heal over time, but we change as people, not quite as forgiving and trusting as we naively once were.
But love's loss helps us to be resilient and determine what's suitable for us in the long term to make the right decision, and as hard as it is to end a relationship or walk away, it more often than not is for the best.
And while one party is left feeling empty and lost, the other marching forward with another or independently, our hearts eventually recover.
Love may be lost for now, but not forever. There's no quick fix for a broken heart.
Broken heart syndrome is a genuine condition that happens after a sudden emotional or physical stressor.
While it is a temporary condition and doesn't cause long-term damage, the pain and suffering we go through at the time is overwhelming.
It takes time and patience to recover; like grief, time is a great healer, a cliche, maybe, but it is true.
I look back and laugh. I've come a long way and grown taller in more ways, and life has taught me that love is never easy.
You take the rough with the smooth and move on.
But it took a long time to get over that breakup.
Experts suggest, on average, 3-4 months to recover from a breakup.
I was fortunate to have a lot to keep me busy. That's the key in my experience: keep the mind and heart occupied.
A happy marriage and "the one" has shown me that with an open heart, love comes into your life when you least expect it.
While at first, you are cautious about future relationships and untrusting of love, you move on, eventually forgetting the heartbreak and pain.
Love will come into your life.