The age of loneliness
"We are living in dystopia, in a world that is dominated by technology and disconnect, alienation, loneliness and dysfunction." ~ Steven Wilson ~
If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude; it's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them. Jodie Piccoult, My Sister's Keeper
In 2030/24, the proportion of adults who reported low levels of indirect loneliness was 56%, similar to 2021/22, 58%. (GOV.UK)
It's important to note that loneliness is not confined to a specific age group.
In fact, the 16-24 year olds who reported feeling lonely often/always were similar to 25-34 year olds. This data underscores that loneliness is a shared experience, regardless of age.
I've given this much thought, and the differences between loneliness and being alone are quite distinct.
I don't consider myself alone; I have a family, husband, and friends, but I have to admit that I experience loneliness, and there are weeks when the only excitement I have is chatting with the Amazon delivery guys.
There are other times when I feel lonely, such as when my younger son returns to university, and my eldest is battling to get his new house ready to move into.
The home is quiet, and I am often working at home alone.
By sheer coincidence, I stumbled across an article about a woman who, at 48 years old, had just moved.
Her husband and their children had recently moved home to a new location, leaving friends and family behind.
The move was detrimental to her, and she struggled to adapt to the new home and town, making friends while raising her children.
It reminded me of when my children were of school age, a working mother, juggling school runs, extra-curricular activities after school, meal times, and just trying to keep it all together.
I/we were so busy that I look back now in wonderment.
How the hell did I manage it all?
But I remember that nudge of loneliness, despite occasional meet-ups with other mums and quarterly lunches, we were doing it on our own.
It's a tough gig, and yet here we are, a society that is 24/7 online, always connected, and yet so many feel lonely.
Being married with a family and working full-time does not make you immune to loneliness.
For many of us, daily conversations are transactional.
How was your working day?
Can you pick up some dry cleaning on the way home?
The kids' well-being and schooling are a series of daily conversational transactions we all have.
Our lives are a juggling act, with work, children's schooling, and caring for ageing parents taking precedence.
This leaves little time for personal conversations.
Despite being online, many of us lack close friendships and are likelier to have personal contact with a boss or work colleagues.
That's the reality in a society that is 24/7 online and always connected.
Ironic, given we are more socially connected than ever.
Yet the figures speak for themselves in the Community Life Survey 2023/24, 7% approx, 3.1 million people reported feeling lonely often or always.
Adults aged 16-24 (10%) and 25 - 34 (9%) experienced loneliness.
At some point, many of us feel lonely, just because we do; other times, it is because of external factors that are out of our control.
In my work, I have met many people and made friends and acquaintances; some have come and gone, and others have stayed.
I have envied those who openly express that they have a BFF.
Do they really?
That one friend who will stick with you through thick and thin when the chips are down; the friendships that are non-critical of you or your identity.
Those relationships where you can sit and be quiet - no conversation, comfortable in the knowledge that there's no need to justify who you are, or what you do, because they get you.
We navigate life, losing friends and gaining new ones.
Working life in the 21st century is no longer conducive to giving us back the time we need to relax and create.
It's a paradox of our times.
The internet and social media have allowed us to communicate with anyone, anywhere.
Yet, in doing so, why do we feel more lonely and disconnected than ever?
It’s a sobering realisation.
Why does business networking continue to be so popular?
People love social interaction, meeting new people, and genuinely being in the company of other humans.
That's why the Pandemic had such an adverse effect on us.
We sustained extended periods of aloneness, isolated from our usual social circles.
The loss of physical connection and the shift to digital communication further exacerbated feelings of loneliness for many.
Sometimes, we choose to be alone, yet few of us have escaped the pain of utter loneliness.
The physical connections we hold close to our hearts have given way to the digital; human connection is being replaced with social spaces where we have any number of channels to like, follow, and chat.
We've become dependent on these digital social channels, but in doing so, it has moved us farther away from human contact, and perhaps we need to take a step back, reflect and ask why.
