The funny side of ageing and menopause

A funny look at what it's like being menopausal and all its glory

Q: What is scarier, a puppy or a rational woman in menopause?

A: A puppy because a rational woman is menopause doesn’t exist. ~ Anon.

Ageing and menopause are two words that send shivers down the spine, including my husband, who suffers the brunt of my late menopausal wrath.

We're all in this together, navigating the challenges and finding humour in the journey.

There's a lot to laugh at and much to contend with when you're experiencing menopausal symptoms.

Hot flashes

Let's start with the hot flashes; the most infamous trademark of menopause is the heatwaves that come on when you absolutely don't want them, and they disappear when you are desperate for a blast of warmth.

One minute, you wear a t-shirt and shorts in Arctic conditions, sweating like you've run a marathon, and the next, you're layering up for survival.

It is a constant battle to understand how your body will behave and when, almost without exception, it embarrasses you.

Memory fog - who am I and why am I here

This is a daily occurrence. I am all too familiar with my memory failing mid-sentence, the words faltering, and I try to remember whom I am talking to, why I am there, and what I should be asking them.

Who hasn't had a moment of forgetfulness? I regularly forget the names of my little darlings, re-christening them with different names daily.

Often, I get the names the wrong way around; it's exasperating but also a source of laughter in our household.

My brain chooses to freeze mid-sentence when a perfectly normal conversation turns into a dramatic pause worthy of an award-winning performance.

And, how often do I walk into a room in my own home with purpose only to stop, confused as to why I am there?

Mood swings

The piece de la resistance is my mood swings from zero to sixty seconds, as my husband aptly describes them.

Fluctuating hormones make me go from being calm one minute to the Tasmanian devil in less than sixty seconds, shouting because someone has put the toilet roll around the wrong way.

At best, I am downright irrational over the most mundane things, and I am a ticking time bomb with a preference for solitude and wine.

The only good news to come out of all this is I have a built-in excuse for almost any reaction.

Metabolism - the great slowdown.

Although I have been reasonably fortunate in this department, one of the biggest betrayals of age and menopause is everything seemingly gravitating south, and previously unnoticed body parts make an unwelcome appearance.

The rest of the body doesn't swing in the same direction as I am travelling, and the mind likes to play tricks with you, telling you yes, you can do it, but the body tells you otherwise.

Our superpower and overconfidence

One of the best things to come out of all this is that I've stopped caring what people think of me, and I am happy to embrace my quirks in all their glory and tell it as it is.

I've learned to let go of the pressure to impress and adopt my style, and yes, I wear skinny jeans and high heels, but not always at the same time.

While ageing and menopause are, at times, a debilitating chapter in a woman's life, between the mood swings, hot flashes and memory lapses, life is an unpredictable adventure of daftness and lunacy.

But, when will it end?

Please do share. We menopausal women are in it together.