The things I've learned as a working Mum
the challenges, the rewards and becoming a better mother
When I became a mother, it was and still is one of the most transformative experiences of my life.
It is a rollercoaster ride of joy, pain, hurt, and love; adding a career to the mix makes motherhood a whole different ball game.
Being a working mother has its fair share of challenges, but it has taught me valuable lessons that have shaped me into the woman I am today.
When I discovered I was pregnant the first time, I remember, to this day, my husband saying that it must be my decision to continue working or become a full-time mother.
It was an uncomplicated decision. I knew that work was and still is important. I didn't want to be financially dependent, and continuing to work was what I wanted.
That was when I knew I would start my business. Working gives me a sense of purpose, and I don’t think I would have made a good full-time mother.
After a combined total of twenty-two years juggling deadlines, school runs, meetings, and bedtime stories, I'm not sure how I ever got through or managed it all.
Through immense organisation and routine, I discovered strengths I never knew I had and lessons that continue to enrich my life and my children's.
What prompted this throwback to school-run madness?
Last week, I passed my children's school on the way to an appointment.
My car, seemingly in auto drive, turned left through the school gates and into the parking area, where I had sat and waited many afternoons and nights for my boys to come out of school.
They were great times, albeit fraught with frustration. I was constantly on the precipice of a nervous breakdown, juggling work while waiting in the car, talking to clients, and trusting the boys would get in noiselessly.
To get them out of the house for school on time was a significant feat.
It was maddening at the best of times, and the eldest was always painstakingly slow. I'd sit in the car, pulling my hair out in frustration.
When they were both in the Upper School, and their lateness was beyond the point of redemption, I got my own back, making them wait precisely the same amount of time they made me late in the mornings.
It didn't work, but it wasn't through want of trying.
Reliving those school days made me strangely nostalgic.
While I was constantly exhausted and life felt like one big juggling act, I had the children. There were no other love interests (not as youngsters and teens, at least). Mum was their number one girl, and no one could hold a candle to her.
There were so many heartwarming moments: the chats in the car on the way to and from school, the visits to McDonald's for chicken nuggets and chips before athletics training, the chatting and listening to music while we sat around and waited.
It seemed we were always waiting somewhere.
There were times when guilt got the better of me, that nagging feeling when I would question what am I doing and whether my kids were suffering because of me, but the freedom of owning and running my own business meant that I rarely missed a school event.
I was in Birmingham meeting with the managing director of a potential new client when, halfway into the meeting, I received a phone call from the nursery.
My eldest was running a high temperature.
Can I pick up my son? Yes, in about two hours because that's the time it will take for me to get there unless my husband can pick him up.
I remember leaving that meeting a mix of bloody frustration and resignation.
My sons always came first and still do, even before my husband.
Yet you could almost guarantee one would be ill before an important meeting.
I'd grind my teeth in frustration and feel like banging my head against the wall, and then I'd feel terrible that I could, in that one moment, think about my business before my child.
It was a never-ending internal battle between wanting to excel at my work and being fully present for my children daily.
And it wasn't just the physical load of being a mum that weighed heavy; it was also the emotional toil.
By default, we are walking diaries, remembering doctors' and dentists' appointments, Birthdays, and school activities. If my Filofax back then could vibrate, I swear it would fall off the desk, as there was so much to think about, make notes of, and diarise.
Balancing this mental load was, at times, overwhelming. I knew I was ready for a break as each half-term rolled around. My head felt like it would explode, and I couldn't think anymore—almost like burnout, but not quite.
Self-care took a back seat when balancing motherhood and a business, and finding time for myself was challenging.
My husband would take charge of the kids at the weekend, allowing me to run, but as soon as I walked in, it was Mummy this and Mummy that.
Joyous, yes, but there were times, like in the film Click, when I wanted to hit the pause button, breathe, and start again.
I didn't have parents who lived nearby and could help with care, so it was up to my husband and me to manage and balance the care of our children with the demands of our businesses.
Luckily, I got to choose the hours and the days, so when No. 1 son came along, I gradually eased him into a three-day week at the nursery until he went full-time at two years, which he loved.
I did the same with my second one, although it was a bit more challenging as, by the time the younger sibling was at nursery, my eldest was at full-time school and in a different location.
That's another story entirely.
The rewards of being a mum far outweighed the demands and challenges.
Financial independence allowed me to contribute to the household income and gave us more choices than if I had stayed home.
It has fostered a good work ethic in my children, demonstrating the values of hard work, persistence, resilience, and commitment.
As a working mum with young children, I learned to value and prioritise the time I spend with them even more, consciously connecting and being present with them.
Being a working mother has made me a better mother.
When time is limited, you learn to make the most of it, and holidays and weekends are no exception.
I gave them my full attention because I valued what they had to share with me, and this is still true now that they are young men.
It made me disciplined, organised, and efficient.
Meal planning, organising, cleaning, and washing have created a stable, tidy, and organised environment.
My boys never had messy rooms, preferring to be tidy so they knew where their toys were. It might seem a bit prescriptive, but neither of them was messy. Even now, the older one loves piles of stuff, but at least it's tidy piles!
Being a working mum both then and now has taught me to value and cherish all those beautiful moments, from the hugs I get from my younger son thanking me for all I do to the big smile I get every morning from my eldest son, who has now graduated with a Master of Laws in Professional Legal Practice on his way to becoming a lawyer.
This has given me a profound sense of accomplishment in balancing work and motherhood, knowing that I have contributed greatly to the development of my sons. Their success is a testament to our love and upbringing, giving them a secure familial base to grow.
I have taught them valuable life lessons because they have seen me struggle so many times, and it has made them appreciate what we have given up for them.
They will understand what that means in years to come when they, too, have children.
Neither of them expects everything to be given to them. They see the value of hard work and perseverance.
What tips can I offer up after all of the above?
There's no magic bullet, but these tips helped me navigate the challenges of being a working mum.
Embrace imperfection—you can't do it all, and that's okay. So do your best and move on to the next imperfection—who cares anyway?
Prioritise self-care - take care of yourself first and foremost, and then you can be there for your kids in your heart and mind.
Ask for help—ask your partner, family, and friends when needed. I didn't have this option, but there were people who came through for me when I least expected it, taking the boys to school when I was ill and my husband had other work commitments.
Set clear boundaries between work and family time. Before I had an office, I would close the spare room door for the night and not go in until the following day.
Celebrate small wins - every minor achievement, from having a good day at work to the kids snuggling with you while you read a bedtime story, is a win.
Finally...
There have been many joys, laughter, and tears, which have, I hope, shaped me into a better person and mother.
Motherhood has taught me to give rather than take, be more present and appreciative, and be tough when necessary while cherishing every moment.
You can be ambitious and be a good mother, but it is hard work and takes dedication, guts, commitment and luck.
There are no rules. You make the rules that are best for you and your children.
We are strong and capable, and we are enough, and I know I can take comfort in the knowledge that one day, my kids will thank me for the work I put into being their mother; fingers crossed.
